If my strengths intimidate you, I hope you realise that's a weakness of yours.
If we choose our battles wisely, we are accused of avoidance. If we stand up for what we believe, we are accused of being controversial! The problem doesn't lie within our choices and our behaviour, the problem lies within a society, which tries to dictate, which behaviour is acceptable, by intimidating and confusing us, to the point at which we are second guessing everthing we do, every single day and would rather not do anything at all, so as not to make a mistake! I know, I know, there will be many, who will immediately be shouting, that this is blowing things way out of proportion and who will accuse me of exaggeration, but that doesn't bother me. For a very long time, I held my head low, I wouldn't speak up, I simply didn't want to cause any friction and say or do something which might make me stand out negatively. I thought life was way easier, if I just simply tried to go with the flow. Whether it was in previous relationships, with friends or even family, I would choose not to take a stand and simply stay quiet, for the sake of keeping the peace! This is how I had grown up! Things wouldn't be brought out into the open, they would simply be burried underneath silence and we would pretend they didn't exist! There is one fundamental problem with this behaviour though and that is, that this kind of behaviour doesn't make life any easier at all! While you might be initially avoiding the confrontation, the toxic atmosphere continues to stew silently, until eventually it bubbles up to the surface again, wreaking even more havoc, after having stewed for so long. And if you are thinking, you will receive thank from anyone for taking on this position and being the one to stay quiet in order to keep the peace, think again. I received no thank, I wasn't seen as the "good girl" who is grown up enough not to pick a fight and is grown up enough not to answer back and is grown up enough to be "the bigger person". Quite the opposite! I would be the one critisiced, because it was easy! Looking back, I can honestly say, that by trying to be "the good girl" and not voicing my thoughts, emotions and opinions, I actively made my life so much more difficult for a very long time. The more I tried to keep the peace, the more I seemed to attract the opposite. By the time I had reached boiling point and I simply couldn't take anymore, everybody already expected me to be quiet and cooperative. So when the day finally came, when I had had enough and I was not prepared to be everyone's doormat any longer, the damage was even worse. Not just did everyone now perceive me as having an attitude and being controversial for speaking up for myself, but the more people around me treated me that way, the more I would seek to be controversial. It was like a "little rebellion" against the supression I felt I had been under for so long. Needless to say, that this behaviour didn't solve any of my problems either. Yes, I finally felt like I was being heard, but it came at a price and that was having even less peace before. It was during this process that I realised, the reason people around me were so argumentative and confrontational, was probably because they too had felt suppressed at some point in their life, but instead of moving on and finding their own peace of mind, they had become stuck during the process. They had become stuck when they found their voice and continued to make themselves heard so loudly, in order to drown any other voices out, to prevent them from feeling suppressed ever again. It wasn't until years later, that I found my inner peace and I found my personal balance of how to deal with things, people and situations, regardless of what people around me or society thought of it! I learnt, I didnt' have to do one extreme or the other. I learnt, I can make my point clear, without trying to force my opinion on others, like I had endured for so many years. I am more than happy to explain my opinion or my beliefs further, if someone is interested , but I would no longer waste my energy and destroy my inner peace, in order to just make my point clear or to try and convince someone of my opinion. I learnt to simply listen to others and their opinion and take in the information, without feeling emotionally charged, without feeling the need to try and convince them otherwise, if my opinion differed. I learnt, to feel content with knowing my truth and accepting other people have theirs, too. I learnt, to choose my battles wisely and to speak up without regret, when I feel my voice being heard is necessary, but also choose when someone does not deserve my voice, my energy or my time and especially none of my peace of mind! I always encourage anyone to speak their mind, regardless of what society thinks is right or wrong, as we are all individuals and one size does not fit all, in any shape or form. What is right for one, will not be right for the next person! I always encourage anyone to speak freely, to stand up for what they believe in and fight for what they believe in. However, it is very important that we don't lose sight of ourselves in this process of making ourselves heard and defining our space in this world. Many start out with the right intentions of breaking free from the restraints of their life or society, to become their true self and find who it is they are truly meant to be and to live a purposeful, happy and fulfilled life. Unfortunately some get stuck or lost along the way, before they even reach that place! They mistake their newly found ability to speak freely as a tool to simply be loud and to try and convince as many people as possible that their opinion is right and the only right way to choose. And while they think they are only making use of their ability to speak freely, often unknowingly become the suppressors they once were suppressed by themselves. There is a big difference between spreading our word to uplift others and shouting so loudly to drown out every other voice, in order to make our own word heard. We need to find our inner peace, in order to choose our battles wisely and so we are not mistakenly led by the loud voices, trying to convince us their path is the right path. We need to find our inner peace, to be able to know when we need to step up and and fight for what we believe in, but without losing our integrity and losing sight of who we are and without falling victim to using the same distasteful weapons of the opposition we are trying to fight. If we find inner peace, we are not lead by fear or intimidation, but rather from a place of strenght by our intuition, our heart and our wisdom and a voice coming from such strength is so powerful, it does not need to be loud or intimidating to be heard! If this resonates with you or you feel you would like to talk about this a bit more, please feel free to get in touch with me or my team.
Love, Simone x